Listen To Your Needs: In Silence

Silence is a source of great strength.
— Lao Tzu

Sometimes you have to take time away from being connected to create a space for your brain to think. I have been on a de-clutter your life kick during this spring season. I believe that the letter "stuff" you have in your life the less energy leaks you will have. For example, I was reorganizing my closet and realized I had too much stuff. I got rid of three huge trash bags of clothes and still have more to go through. I started to ask myself "How did I let my clutter get this out of hand"? I think that I got too busy to even notice that my home-life was getting chaotic. I do best when I have routine and organization. I feel a wave of "calm" come over me when my life feels organized. I am not sure if this is a control thing... haha! If you ask my spouse that is what he would call it. I believe that growing up with a brother with Autism has shaped my life more than I realized due to all the routines and organization that I grew up with. 

OK-- What is the purpose of this blog, I am getting off topic-- It is important to silence your mind and listen to your needs. I get overwhelmed by the everyday "noise" as I like to call it. I had to get away from it all to be able to listen to what I needed. Silence can be very uncomfortable for people, so much so, that we tend to fill the silence with words just to create noise. I am that person. Being a therapist, I have had to learn that silence is not uncomfortable and is needed. I do not have to constantly be in noise to be content. Being in silence is really quite difficult for me in my own life. I do not like to be alone with my own thoughts and at times, downright hate it! I hear my clients say that a lot and I know exactly what they mean. Being alone and in silence can feel so isolating and abandoning. However over the last three weeks, I have been in silence after work and during my free-time and it has been life-changing. I was finally able to tap into my needs and really show myself kindness. I believe self-reflection in silence is one of the most important things to us as humans. The first week of this silence was HORRIBLE! I will admit, I have not sat in silence since I was a Camp Counselor at a summer camp in 2008 where we were not allowed to have our cell-phones, make-up, or blow dryers. SINCE 2008-- I have not given myself a true change to listen to my needs. (I almost hate to admit that, however, these blogs are a way for me to connect with my readers.... so here I go). Yes, I am mindful and present... however, my needs sometimes get pushed aside for others. When I mean that I have not sat in silence-- I mean disconnected from media and my cell-phone. I am constantly connected due to work and mindless social media scrolling. 

It is crazy to think how much our lives have changed and how accessible we are since we have all these ways to talk to one another. This last three weeks when I have not done lives, most of my emails, constantly checked my cell phone, or blogged-- have been glorious. 

Some of the insights I have gained about my needs have been priceless and I will forever be grateful to myself for taking the time to "get out of my comfort zone". It is true that life begins at the end of your comfort zone and I feel renewed. It is important to push yourself to make change and for me it was listening to my needs in silence. When you sit with your discomfort it is the most enlightening thing that you could ever do for yourself. I know what you are thinking, "What does she mean by "sitting" with your discomfort?" Well-- I mean, experience the emotion, even if it is the hardest thing you have had to do. It will be the best decision you have ever made. We tend to avoid the hard stuff due to it being too painful or fear of bringing it up. 

Imagine this-- your dad has abandoned you and you grow up without him. This is displayed in your relationships by you having trust issues, intimacy issues, and not wanting to be close to men. Have you ever confronted the fact that the issue is with your dad or do you blame it on the men you date? ---Here is a hint-- most of us would blame it on our "failed relationships with losers". If you never confront the core issue you will never be able to have a healthy relationship because you are not going to the core of the problem. Instead, you are focusing on the "surface-level" stuff, which is just a distraction. 

When we listen to our needs and self-reflect, the idea is you should be able to get to the root issue of the problem versus focusing on all the noise in life which can be a huge road block. 

YOU understand YOUR needs, so give yourself time in silence. 

Be You. Be Happy. Be Well.